Love Conquers All

download (6)   Part of this blog was healing for myself and making myself better. Maybe it is the writing it is cathartic for me along my path to self healing and love. Telling my most inner darkest thoughts is completely mortifying but the truth sets you free. I have found that I have been more committed to my goals and what I have been doing since I decided to publicize my journey and I think I am pretty good at hiding shit. It really has to do with integrity and making sure I am living up to what I am writing. I can’t be a hypocrite because that is bullshit and people see right through it. I would know it, my children would know it, Jay would know it.

We all have our vices whether it is food, cleanliness, negativity, alcohol, drugs or sex, anything that you put higher than your own self worth is a problem. There is a major amount of my journey, weight loss and doing what I love that is wrapped up in all of this. My last post I spoke of the mind-body connection. Adding one more part of that is personal image. This past year of struggles both professionally and personally and being stalled brought me to where I am right here right now. When I get ideas or feel compelled to write, I act on it right away because I believe that these urges you are supposed to act on. And I can tell you what I think of myself is a struggle every freakin day.

I went from serious self-loathing to being able to accept myself but I had almost lost everything. I was at such a low point, even more than how my previous marriage made me feel because I only had me to blame for the predicament I was in. Completely a sum of small decisions made on a regular basis.  I have been working on loving myself and that will be my end goal. What about you? Part of loving myself was getting rid of the excess weight. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. I was always trying to cover it up and at night I was loathing (yes loathe word of the day and think of Jim Carrey in the Grinch) myself. Maybe that is another reason I started drinking more, to numb my senses. Cover it up and fall off the wagon, no get run over by it with wheel marks. The key here is the word “accept” and by saying that I have come a long way. It was also about the negative chatter I had going on in my head.

Even though I had read every book, invested thousands of dollars in myself, had seen so many professional speakers but still I had no idea what was lacking. It wasn’t until I had almost pissed everything away that the answer revealed itself; self sabotage and not loving myself. I never loved myself and everyday is a work in progress. I thought if I lost all the weight I gained would be the answer  but it wasn’t; however it has helped my self esteem immensely and it is part of the puzzle. I also look in the mirror every morning and say I love you to myself and smile. Smile when you say it or self talk to yourself or in the mirror. When I first started doing this I couldn’t look at my reflection and I would cry every time I said it. I am proud of what I have accomplished and I keep setting new goals, so I know I am on the right path. I do know for sure I want to be the best version of me for my family and my friends it is myself that I have the trouble area with. Are any of you with me on this?

 

 

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I hadn’t really slept for the last 3 years either. When I decided in November of this past year that things had to change I really had to assess. What do I love? I love my children and spouse unconditionally. I love to work with and coach people and I love writing about health and wellness but where is this all heading-helping people. Did all of my past failures lead me to here but what is the answer-helping people. Do you ever sit and wonder what you should really be doing or feel like there’s something missing? It is like you are searching for an answer and you keep beating your head against the wall.

I now sleep better than I ever remember once I made a decision. I finally know what is next for me professionally and that gives me a sense of value. This is the first time in my entire life that I feel myself becoming whole. I am such a giver I find joy in giving but I was never able to receive until recently. That was another big a-ha moment. I shrugged off compliments, pats on the back, and when someone said I love you. I wasn’t worthy. Now instead of saying “no problem”, I say “its my pleasure”. When someone says I love you, I say it back and I mean it. I hug more. Hugging releases endorphins, reduces stress and make you happier.

I have been trying to come from a place of love every single day. It actually is fairly easy and when you do that your eyes really start to open. As my hubs says love is everything, it conquers all. He was of course invariably right yet again (and believe me sometimes I want to smack him for pretty much being right ALL of the time). No matter what happens in your life, it is all about how you handle it. How are YOU going to react? You have complete control over that.

Are you going to let your past dictate your future? So many people were screwed up when they were children. Many people exceeded, took control of their present and their future and became great influencers. The one thing that people like Oprah, Edison, Einstein or Ford said that they had ONE person that believed in them (and these people were severely abused or challenged). And so I challenge you, so what? You can choose to live in that dark space or you can move forward into the light. I know it saying it sounds much easier right? But it really isn’t. It is about a decision and start with small baby steps or some where in the middle or you are ALL in. I believe in you, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind too. Love you and who you are!

Loving yourself

Loving yourself

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Christine
    Jul 21, 2014 @ 04:26:24

    Love this!

    Reply

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