Ok so a quick update. I have stalled. LOL kind of like my entire life the last few months. Last summer I had an encounter with a shaman and I know it affected me in all areas of my life. I don’t know why I let it. I keep going back to that one defining moment when I spoke with her about the future and this was just a conversation. She told me that the next year was going to be really hard and then proceeded to tell me the reasons why. I have let that little thought affect my life probably more than I want to admit. I know I tried not too, but did not know how to get out of this funk. I guess I was a work in progress and I needed to go through what I did to make me stronger. AND it is what we do when we hit these plateaus or barriers to break through them. I don’t give up very easily, and that sometimes can be a flaw. Sometimes you have to know when to get up and walk away (just an fyi this isnt one of them just saying).
However, you know when the message is needed it appears? As it did. I have been digesting the book E Squared by Pam Grout. I am a voracious reader. So I am going to completely change my approach. I am approaching my weight loss in a different light and my struggle to find my answer of what do I want to be when I grow up.
So far to date I am guessing I am down about 45 lbs. I am 86’ing the scale, an instrument of torture and mind games for me. My clothes haven’t gotten any bigger and guess what I did. I went back to self sabotage. Big surprise right? We had a “snack” day this past weekend and I felt like shit. Immediately my body started rejecting the sugar and the toxins. I will never do that again. I had to lay down and 8pm and didn’t get up until 6:30 the next morning. It was a food coma. Really none of it was that great. It was the prospect of cheating on what I had done to accomplish my goals. The thought of that was exciting for a moment. What is even better is that my husband also has been on a great kick with me (FINALLY!!!). He has been walking every day, cut out late night eating and no junk during the week, he too felt awful and had a headache for 2 days. What does this say or prove? Food can totally change how we feel physically and mentally.
Back to Pam’s book and also Jeff Olson talks about this in the Slight Edge and it is expectation of doing something and getting the results that you truly want. When we focus our energy on what we truly want, i.e. weight loss, better health, more money that is exactly what we get. When we focus on doing daily tasks on getting ourselves there over a period of time you start to see things accumulate. Small measured results. But the fact is you have to do these tasks everyday. Not just sometimes, or part time but all of the time. Here is the big aha, it is so easy not to do it, or just say I will not do it for today. Most of the time we fall into the category of not doing it, because it is easy not to do and then we think the same the next day and the next so on and so forth.
We also focus on what we do not want. For instance, I was so focused on not going back into a field that I love that I shut all doors and possibilities out. It wasn’t until I had that aha moment that I said to myself, why am I fighting the inevitable and why would I close a door on something I love? Because of a few failures? Because I was worried about what other people think? For a while yes, then it dawned on me, I do not care what anyone thinks. If they have a problem with it, it is their problem not mine.
It is like weight loss. I was fighting the battle of the bulge everyday. Worried about every morsel I put into my mouth to the point of dizziness and such low blood sugar I almost passed out…why? Good clean food is fuel! If you look at it from a point and say I am grateful for this food and it will nourish and benefit my body vs. I have to watch every calorie I eat or I will gain weight, bingo! Your body will do exactly what you are telling it. Try it. There are exercises in Pam’s book that will help you hone in on this…
I never realized how powerful your thoughts really were until the past few months but you can really will your way into anything and everything you have ever desired. I want to create my own destiny. I want happiness and success in everything and anything. All the way down to a loving fantastic relationship. What about you? If you keep telling yourself you are not worthy, guess what you aren’t. Maybe that is why I have had so many relationships fail (or really picked the wrong guy) until this guy (yep on the Liz Taylor path and yellow brick road of marriages). But WHY in the world would we do this to ourselves? We are worthy of happiness, feeling beautiful, desirable and prosperous. We have been told so many negative things. You, we, I are meant to claim what we deserve and what we can be and what we desire. It won’t happen tomorrow, it probably won’t happen next week, but if you make that conscious effort every day measure your results every 90 days. It takes time for everything! Write it down, it makes it real!
By the way, I incorporated Pam’s exercises and the pair of pants I have that were 2 sizes too small I can fit into. Stay willful my friends!