We All Stall! Break Through the Barrier!

Ok so a quick update. I have stalled. LOL kind of like my entire life the last few months. Last summer I had an encounter with a shaman and I know it affected me in all areas of my life. I don’t know why I let it. I keep going back to that one defining moment when I spoke with her about the future and this was just a conversation. She told me that the next year was going to be really hard and then proceeded to tell me the reasons why. I have let that little thought affect my life probably more than I want to admit. I know I tried not too, but did not know how to get out of this funk. I guess I was a work in progress and I needed to go through what I did to make me stronger. AND it is what we do when we hit these plateaus or barriers to break through them. I don’t give up very easily, and that sometimes can be a flaw. Sometimes you have to know when to get up and walk away (just an fyi this isnt one of them just saying).

However, you know when the message is needed it appears? As it did. I have been digesting the book E Squared by Pam Grout. I am a voracious reader. So I am going to completely change my approach. I am approaching my weight loss in a different light and my struggle to find my answer of what do I want to be when I grow up.

So far to date I am guessing I am down about 45 lbs. I am 86’ing the scale, an instrument of torture and mind games for me. My clothes haven’t gotten any bigger and guess what I did. I went back to self sabotage. Big surprise right? We had a “snack” day this past weekend and I felt like shit. Immediately my body started rejecting the sugar and the toxins. I will never do that again. I had to lay down and 8pm and didn’t get up until 6:30 the next morning. It was a food coma. Really none of it was that great. It was the prospect of cheating on what I had done to accomplish my goals. The thought of that was exciting for a moment. What is even better is that my husband also has been on a great kick with me (FINALLY!!!). He has been walking every day, cut out late night eating and no junk during the week, he too felt awful and had a headache for 2 days. What does this say or prove? Food can totally change how we feel physically and mentally.

Back to Pam’s book and also Jeff Olson talks about this in the Slight Edge and it is expectation of doing something and getting the results that you truly want. When we focus our energy on what we truly want, i.e. weight loss, better health, more money that is exactly what we get. When we focus on doing daily tasks on getting ourselves there over a period of time you start to see things accumulate. Small measured results. But the fact is you have to do these tasks everyday. Not just sometimes, or part time but all of the time. Here is the big aha, it is so easy not to do it, or just say I will not do it for today. Most of the time we fall into the category of not doing it, because it is easy not to do and then we think the same the next day and the next so on and so forth. 

http://www.slightedge.org

We also focus on what we do not want. For instance, I was so focused on not going back into a field that I love that I shut all doors and possibilities out. It wasn’t until I had that aha moment that I said to myself, why am I fighting the inevitable and why would I close a door on something I love? Because of a few failures? Because I was worried about what other people think? For a while yes, then it dawned on me, I do not care what anyone thinks. If they have a problem with it, it is their problem not mine.

It is like weight loss. I was fighting the battle of the bulge everyday. Worried about every morsel I put into my mouth to the point of dizziness and such low blood sugar I almost passed out…why? Good clean food is fuel! If you look at it from a point and say I am grateful for this food and it will nourish and benefit my body vs. I have to watch every calorie I eat or I will gain weight, bingo! Your body will do exactly what you are telling it. Try it. There are exercises in Pam’s book that will help you hone in on this…

http://pamgrout.com/e-squared/ 

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I never realized how powerful your thoughts really were until the past few months but you can really will your way into anything and everything you have ever desired. I want to create my own destiny. I want happiness and success in everything and anything. All the way down to a loving fantastic relationship. What about you? If you keep telling yourself you are not worthy, guess what you aren’t. Maybe that is why I have had so many relationships fail (or really picked the wrong guy) until this guy (yep on the Liz Taylor path and yellow brick road of marriages).  But WHY in the world would we do this to ourselves? We are worthy of happiness, feeling beautiful, desirable and prosperous. We have been told so many negative things. You, we, I are meant to claim what we deserve and what we can be and what we desire. It won’t happen tomorrow, it probably won’t happen next week, but if you make that conscious effort every day measure your results every 90 days. It takes time for everything! Write it down, it makes it real!

By the way, I incorporated Pam’s exercises and the pair of pants I have that were 2 sizes too small I can fit into. Stay willful my friends!

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Lets Talk About Sex Baby (and Love and Intimacy)

This is a bit of a different blog article. I bet you might be thinking this will be filled with tips, tricks and maybe some smut? Nah, not my speed but I will definitely try and entertain you. The body, mind and spirit encompasses so many things. But what about sex, sex, sex? Why is there taboo, mystery, shame, and so much negativity around it?  Yes of course it is a personal act, unless you are Tiger Woods or Charile Sheen, and discretion is necessary. So let’s talk about how good it is for you and there is nothing better than making love with your partner. Sex, love and intimacy are essential for a fulfilling life. Whether that be a spouse, a boyfriend, girlfriend, it comes in all sizes and shapes.

Sex is a mammal-istic biology drive. Why am I bringing this topic up? Because when it is done right it feels good and it is good for us but it is the highest plane that you can reach emotionally with another person is intimacy. It is completely different than the actual act of having sex. Sex is only part of intimacy in a marriage or a long term loving relationship and you can also have intimacy in a friendship. Sex is great for self esteem, it releases endorphins and a romp in the sheets burns calories. Now, I am not saying to go and hump every tom, dick and jane. I truly believe to experience the full benefits of sex, you have to love that person that you are having sex with and completely surrender you body and mind, i.e. intimacy!! I am not talking about lust (but sometimes lusting after your partner is not a bad thing, oh baby oh baby!) but love and being truly connected to your partner. We have the the brain to control our urges, and I am not sitting in judgment but your body is your temple! And bottom line your have to love yourself first. (See the last 2 blog posts). Getting from the point of attraction or lust to love and intimacy takes time.

Here is a concept how about intimacy with yourself?

“I have often found in my work that as a person starts to treat themselves with the love and valuing that they have always sought from others – when they become intimate with themselves – they find themselves experiencing intimacy with their spouse. A marriage they thought was over becomes renewed with the love that they had been seeking from someone else.” Dr. Margaret Paul

I think that explains quite a bit and something I have been working on for the last 9 months!!

Relationships take time to build, whether it is with a life partner or a friend. You have to have a trustworthy relationship and that goes both ways. Both people in a relationship have to give. Some days it will be 60-40, some days 50-50 and some days 90-10. It all balances out if you truly have the other person’s interest at heart. Nothing feels better knowing you have made a positive difference for someone other than yourself. Here are some simple tips to make sure you tell your partner everyday;

http://facthat.com/site/post/315/5

Now, I am speaking from a heterosexual point of view because that is me and if you haven’t gathered already a woman. Whether you are straight, gay, bi, transgender, etc sex is wonderful for all. And so are relationships period. Being intimate is also having a few close friends you can really open up to. If you don’t like the fact this blog loves everyone no matter what, don’t read it. 

However, if your sexual partner isn’t doing it right then Houston you have a problem. Men lets face it, a woman is like a complex beautiful sports car and you have to rev her engine. You have to know what you are doing, so ask or get educated on FOREPLAY. It is just as important for her to have a pleasurable orgasm as it is you. There is nothing more powerful than bringing your partner to a climax. And this goes for the ladies too! The art of foreplay I think has been lost and there is so much power in a kiss. A long slow wet kiss that last for 3 days!! I am not going to go into detail here. If you need help go get some books. Take a sex class, but I am coming from the importance of what it can do for you! When you feel comfortable being naked in front of your partner and you love your body and yourself, the union is a blessed thing. I am not talking 50 shades of grey crap either. Focus on your partner and you will get what you want. If you don’t then talk about it. I know that sometimes it is not comfortable to open up about but if you start small and talk about it often, it then becomes comfortable. And it is also about being comfortable with yourself. As we grow older things change and embrace it, love it! Shit droops, so what.

If you want to stay in love you have to work at it. It isn’t like you get married and you think to yourself oh this will be like this forever. It is a job. Everyday! When you want to please your partner, you will do things all of the time for them and not be a lazy schmuck. Stay engaged my friends! 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201210/love-sex-relationships-and-the-brain

Gut be GONE!! 20 lbs to go! %$#@ Sugar!

Does anyone address the whole body and mind when facing a health challenge? It seems like the answer in weight loss is always cutting the calories and exercising but in reality how much of it has to do with behavior and the mind? I still have more weight to cut and it all seems to be hanging out between my mid section to my upper thighs and my head is beating me up. My daughter took some pictures of me yesterday and I realized I still have quite a bit to go. I am not satisfied nor happy with the pictures look but hell I have come a long way baby!

It is the gut. The powerhouse of our existence next to the brain. As I sit here contemplating over what my last article said, I realized that I did not elaborate enough on a healthy mind, and part of that was overcoming addictions. I did not really even realize at the time that I might possibly have a food issue as well (as I sit here and think about the peanut butter cups I ate yesterday and then feel shitty about it).  Then I wonder is it an excuse and I also wonder if it is playing into not being able to let the last part of this weight go. Both my husband and I have resolved to eat better and do positive things for our health. Actually I did not really give my husband a choice and really am going to kick his ass. I think it is fair that I have had to deal with mine, now he has to deal with his, right? All or nothing?

Now my 14 year old daughter is on board (and will be keeping an eye on her dad too).  We are committed to an even healthier lifestyle. Even though I have come a long way, I still have a long way to go. I am guessing I still need to cut about 20 lbs, but I do not have a scale and do not intended on getting one (screw that, it messes with my head). I measure in inches and how my clothes fit. A 140 pound person carrying 30% body fat is going to look a lot different than a 140 pound person carrying 15% body fat. My husband definitely has a food addiction and rates up there with my alcohol. So, we have all resolved to hold each other accountable. Accountability partners!! Here are some pics from one year ago to today…

Wow one year ago July 2013

Wow one year ago July 2013 but didnt start getting healthy until November of this past year

July 2013 at my heaviest

July 2013 at my heaviest

July 2014-40 lbs lighter and put to rest

July 2014-40 lbs lighter and put to rest no make up and in a bathing suit…still have a long way to go!!

Need my mid section to look like my bi's, tri's, lats and pects!

July 2014…Need my mid section to look like my bi’s, tri’s, lats and pects!

I am looking at these pictures and to me it doesn’t “look” like much of a difference. However, none of my clothes fit and I have so many people that stop and compliment me, which I am truly grateful for. One day I will be able to see all of the results and hard work.

Sugar….There is no really good thing to say about it at all, except it really does taste good in a lot of things and wrecks havoc on your body. From drinks, to desserts, to candy, we have had a love affair with sugar since we all can remember (well at least I have). Do you have a favorite food you go to when you are depressed, stressed or you consider a cheat food? I think you may have gathered mine are Trader Joe’s PB cups. And my favorite 3 food groups would be pizza (boobs), chips (stomach) and chocolate (ass-these are where these calories would and have congregated). Look at the labels, high fructose corn syrup (which is horrible for you!), and sugar are usually in the first 3 ingredients. You should not consume more than 6 teaspoons of sugar a day or you put yourself at risk for Type 2 diabetes. This is why we have such an obesity problem in our country and the fact we do not get out and get into activity as nearly as much as we should.

One can of soda with sugar is 8 teaspoons of sugar. I suggest you say goodbye to soda and juice starting now. Even the diet sodas, gatorades, vitamin drinks, energy drinks are extremely bad for your body and carbonated drinks leach calcium out of the bones. Alcohol is fermented sugar and juice is liquid crack. Also, there are chemicals in all sorts of food to make us crave more. That is why there is such a withdrawal from certain foods and drinks. It seems to be simple and it is. Good old fashion clean water is the best. We do control it at the end of the day but we also try and complicate it. If we know what we are dealing with in food, logically it should make it much easier, but it does not for most (me me me!!). Many times eating and drinking is years of “crutched” behavior. Just like you need a crutch to help you walk if you have an injured leg or foot this is what food and drinks are for us to get through the day. More children and adults get cavities from juice. I know that juice for my children is completely omitted especially in my 6 year old; she is like the exorcist (yes Linda Blair all over again). It is an instant change with their behavior and activity level from any ingestion of a processed sugar. It is like the roller coaster from hell. And the food hangover that they have the next day.

http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/good-bad-sugars-7608.html

http://authoritynutrition.com/why-is-diet-soda-bad-for-you/

These behaviors have been done over a number of years and most can not unlearn them overnight. It is a process and it takes planning, effort and time. Just like planning your day or week. We allow these external forces control us, period. They are things. During any journey you have to celebrate the small victories and what is going right. Too often we get wrapped up in what we are missing or what is going wrong instead of what is going right. Also, I will bet more things are going right then wrong, because that is the way it always is. The psychology of us missing something is a perception that we can not have something because that is how we have been conditioned. By this time it is completely out of control and we are in an excessive behavior pattern. And ask so what-so what if I miss having drinks with my friends, or that piece of cake after dinner?  What happens? Answer=not a damn thing. What is more important?  Being around for a long time to be a problem to your kids, a long luxurious life full of great memories or a shorter life riddled with health problems?

There are other sugars on the market that have a slower glucose release, such as coconut, maple sugars and some organic cane sugars, but at the end of the day a sugar is a sugar, a carbohydrate that your body does not treat the same as if it were to get it from sprouted grains, fruits, veggies, or legumes (beans) because of the digestive enzymes that it takes to process the food. Processed sugar bypasses that. Here it is folks. I am choosing NOT to live in this space any more. Not controlled by food, alcohol, negative thoughts or anything else that is mentally or physically unhealthy. You can do the same. It all starts with a decision. A stick- to- it -decision, and it won’t come without sweat equity. Don’t commit to something and then 3 days later say “I can’t do this, it is too hard.” That is bullshit and the easy way out. Just like you plan your day the night before or week before, it will require some thought and planning. You can control what you put in your mouth and in your head.  Isn’t your health, heart and head worth it? Because it is!

Love Conquers All

download (6)   Part of this blog was healing for myself and making myself better. Maybe it is the writing it is cathartic for me along my path to self healing and love. Telling my most inner darkest thoughts is completely mortifying but the truth sets you free. I have found that I have been more committed to my goals and what I have been doing since I decided to publicize my journey and I think I am pretty good at hiding shit. It really has to do with integrity and making sure I am living up to what I am writing. I can’t be a hypocrite because that is bullshit and people see right through it. I would know it, my children would know it, Jay would know it.

We all have our vices whether it is food, cleanliness, negativity, alcohol, drugs or sex, anything that you put higher than your own self worth is a problem. There is a major amount of my journey, weight loss and doing what I love that is wrapped up in all of this. My last post I spoke of the mind-body connection. Adding one more part of that is personal image. This past year of struggles both professionally and personally and being stalled brought me to where I am right here right now. When I get ideas or feel compelled to write, I act on it right away because I believe that these urges you are supposed to act on. And I can tell you what I think of myself is a struggle every freakin day.

I went from serious self-loathing to being able to accept myself but I had almost lost everything. I was at such a low point, even more than how my previous marriage made me feel because I only had me to blame for the predicament I was in. Completely a sum of small decisions made on a regular basis.  I have been working on loving myself and that will be my end goal. What about you? Part of loving myself was getting rid of the excess weight. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. I was always trying to cover it up and at night I was loathing (yes loathe word of the day and think of Jim Carrey in the Grinch) myself. Maybe that is another reason I started drinking more, to numb my senses. Cover it up and fall off the wagon, no get run over by it with wheel marks. The key here is the word “accept” and by saying that I have come a long way. It was also about the negative chatter I had going on in my head.

Even though I had read every book, invested thousands of dollars in myself, had seen so many professional speakers but still I had no idea what was lacking. It wasn’t until I had almost pissed everything away that the answer revealed itself; self sabotage and not loving myself. I never loved myself and everyday is a work in progress. I thought if I lost all the weight I gained would be the answer  but it wasn’t; however it has helped my self esteem immensely and it is part of the puzzle. I also look in the mirror every morning and say I love you to myself and smile. Smile when you say it or self talk to yourself or in the mirror. When I first started doing this I couldn’t look at my reflection and I would cry every time I said it. I am proud of what I have accomplished and I keep setting new goals, so I know I am on the right path. I do know for sure I want to be the best version of me for my family and my friends it is myself that I have the trouble area with. Are any of you with me on this?

 

 

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I hadn’t really slept for the last 3 years either. When I decided in November of this past year that things had to change I really had to assess. What do I love? I love my children and spouse unconditionally. I love to work with and coach people and I love writing about health and wellness but where is this all heading-helping people. Did all of my past failures lead me to here but what is the answer-helping people. Do you ever sit and wonder what you should really be doing or feel like there’s something missing? It is like you are searching for an answer and you keep beating your head against the wall.

I now sleep better than I ever remember once I made a decision. I finally know what is next for me professionally and that gives me a sense of value. This is the first time in my entire life that I feel myself becoming whole. I am such a giver I find joy in giving but I was never able to receive until recently. That was another big a-ha moment. I shrugged off compliments, pats on the back, and when someone said I love you. I wasn’t worthy. Now instead of saying “no problem”, I say “its my pleasure”. When someone says I love you, I say it back and I mean it. I hug more. Hugging releases endorphins, reduces stress and make you happier.

I have been trying to come from a place of love every single day. It actually is fairly easy and when you do that your eyes really start to open. As my hubs says love is everything, it conquers all. He was of course invariably right yet again (and believe me sometimes I want to smack him for pretty much being right ALL of the time). No matter what happens in your life, it is all about how you handle it. How are YOU going to react? You have complete control over that.

Are you going to let your past dictate your future? So many people were screwed up when they were children. Many people exceeded, took control of their present and their future and became great influencers. The one thing that people like Oprah, Edison, Einstein or Ford said that they had ONE person that believed in them (and these people were severely abused or challenged). And so I challenge you, so what? You can choose to live in that dark space or you can move forward into the light. I know it saying it sounds much easier right? But it really isn’t. It is about a decision and start with small baby steps or some where in the middle or you are ALL in. I believe in you, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind too. Love you and who you are!

Loving yourself

Loving yourself

 

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